Sunday 13th June, 2010

The 10 Most Ridiculous World Cup 2010 Novelty Items

Why go to the supermarket and leave with bread and milk when you could leave with St George's cross buns and three tiny beers shaped like lions? Yes, it's time to pay 50% extra to get your daily groceries with an England flag on the packaging.

To save you agonising over which of the 10,000 England World Cup products to buy, I have scouted out the ten worst products, so that you can rule them out.

The thumbnails on the right are clickable so that you can fully appreciate the horror or each gift.

The 10 Most Ridiculous World Cup Novelty ItemsEngland Mr Kini

by Ann Summers

Whilst many England fans prepare themselves for a humiliating defeat, guys are thinking more along the lines of preparing for a lose against the USA and not being defeated in the argument that begins with "Go on honey, try it on, it will look lovely."

It won't.

The Mr Kini might, however, function as a half decent catapult, should ball games go out of fashion.

The 10 Most Ridiculous World Cup Novelty ItemsOn-a-Roll England Toilet Roll

available from from www.gettingpersonal.co.uk

All over the country there will be shrieks of "Yikes!" as each man fears for one crazy moment that he's started having periods. Then he remembers that in a moment of madness he spent £3.95 on an England-themed bog roll complete with a design printed in a worrying shade of red. There is then a brief second of relief before he realises that provisions for menstruation would have actually been cheaper.

The 10 Most Ridiculous World Cup Novelty ItemsPersonalised Tattoo Poster

available from www.gonedigging.co.uk

What is the point of the personalised tattoo on the model's left buttock? Nobody is going to look at that poster and believe for one second that the girl in the pink bikini has ever looked twice at the sort of man who would pay £19.99 for a framed A3 version to go on his wall.

The 10 Most Ridiculous World Cup Novelty ItemsEngland FA Retro Gnome

available from www.play.com

Putting an England shirt on an existing gnome = quirky and sort of cool, in some contexts.

Buying a special England FA Gnome = a painful reflection of the consumerist society that we now live in, which will ultimately bring an untimely demise upon the human race, if not the whole planet, (and the gnome is just plain rubbish.)

The 10 Most Ridiculous World Cup Novelty ItemsGo England False Nails

available from www.play.com

Picking up a lager lout in your local Walkabout, will not make you a WAG, no matter how many "glamorous" accessories you add to your attire. Besides of which, if you think it's about the finger nails then perhaps you're losing focus on what the game is all about. Who am I kidding? I'm sure Heskey would wear these all the time if it wasn't for health and safety.

The 10 Most Ridiculous World Cup Novelty ItemsEngland Football Dog's T

available from www.cafepress.co.uk

Not really fair on the dog - he may be more of a rugby man.

.

The 10 Most Ridiculous World Cup Novelty ItemsEngland Football Designer Light Switch

by www.candyqueendesigns.co.uk

This designer light switch is not just available in standard push-on/push-off type, but also in 1 way rotary dimmer AND 2 way push-on/push-off rotary dimmer! Thank goodness that nobody in the Designer Light Switch market has been left behind.

The 10 Most Ridiculous World Cup Novelty ItemsDurex England supporter condoms

available from www.jaysonspharmacy.com

What do you do with a limited edition condom? Frame it? Add it to your collection between the Lady Di commemorative coil and your Official 2008 Olympic Lube?

These Limited Edition condoms seem to only be available from one stockist, which suggests to me that perhaps they weren't released for this World Cup, begging the question, when were they produced? And more importantly, when did they expire?

The 10 Most Ridiculous World Cup Novelty ItemsEngland Football Bobblehead Wayne Rooney Doll Toy

available from www.pricerighthome.com

This is apparently Official England FA Merchandise Model: ENG041, yet it doesn't look as though the sculptor has ever set eyes on Wayne Rooney or indeed a football player of any specification. I couldn't have picked him out of a line up of one. It's a shame, because otherwise a bobbleheaded Man United player would have been right up my street.

The 10 Most Ridiculous World Cup Novelty ItemsArsenal Football Fairy

available from www.fancydress.com

Not technically an England 2010 World Cup item, since there are no Arsenal players in the England squad but the Arsenal Fairy baby outfit is so very wrong, for so many reasons, that I couldn't write an article with "ridiculous" in the headline, and not mention it.

See also The 10 Naffest Valentine's Presents of 2010.

Categories:
culture => fashion => clothing => undies
entertainment => celebrities => sports people => footballers
evil => baddies => gooners
games & toys => toys
sport => football
technology => gadgets
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