Four Faux Pas of a Facebook Robot

In general connecting with your friends is a good thing, but there are some boundaries that a human would know not to cross, to which the Facebook robot is completely oblivious.

1. The "Befriend the bitch who stole your boyfriend" knife twist

Using mutual friend matching technology, Facebook predicts people you might know. This means that if somebody steals your boyfriend, buddies up with all his mates and gets cosy with the family who once welcomed you like their own daughter, Facebook notices that you have a lot in common and suggests that you add her as a friend. Talk about rubbing salt into the wound.

2. The "Your battered ex-wife has renamed herself and here's her new identity" catch

You chose "Only me" when the privacy settings ask who you want to share your email with, yet they don't warn you that anyone typing in your exact email address, will get confirmation that it's the one you. Therefore, if you change your name to escape your axe-wielding ex, but use an email address you've had for years, he can type it into the search box and hey presto, up comes your new identity.

3. The boss in a bikini embarrassment waiting to happen

When the Facebook iPhone app announced that it would put profile pictures into your iPhone address book, it sounded like a worthwhile gimmik. However dmackdaddy learnt the hard way that it doesn't just add the profile pictures of your Facebook friends, but every Facebook user in your phonebook, therefore if you've got a mobile number for your boss and her current profile picture is from her holidays in Spain, you could see her bikini-clad bod filling your iPhone screen every time she calls. Likewise if your profile picture shows you dressed as a pickle, that's what she's going to see.

4. That guy you met on a train, again

For the first half of your train journey from Edinburgh to Penzance you were happily occupied with a magazine and some McCoys salt and vinegar, but by Birmingham, you started to get a little bored and you accidentally fell into conversation with a random train man. Your short-term cabin fever leads you to swap numbers and only then, do you find out that he writes pixie horror porn for a living. At first you leave his number in your phone so you can recognise not to answer it if he calls and then you forget it's there. Years later you sync your mobile with googlemail, and googlemail with Facebook, and suddenly up he pops in suggested Facebook friends. You rack your brains, you are not a Facebook fan of "Pixies in erotic nooses" and you're sure you don't have any mutual friends. How did Facebook know? And then it hits you - think before you sync.

4 Comments

There was a girl I met at an LGB event once 5 (FIVE) years ago and barely spoke to, ever since Facebook has been asking me if I would like to add her as a friend, taking no notice of the fact that I have declined 4 times already, grr!

Posted by Helen D on Monday 22nd March, 2010 at 23:02

Facebot seems to assume that you don't have any means of communication besides Facebook. I get those annoying sidebar messages "You haven't connected with your next door neighbour for six months. Don't you want to write on his wall?"

That's because I could reach out the window and write on his actual wall you dimbot!

Posted by Sha on Monday 22nd March, 2010 at 23:27

Oh yes, I have been prompted loads of times to 'reconnect' with Chris... and this despite the fact that I am listed as being in a relationship with him and every single album I have has at least 40 photos of him in!

Posted by Helen D on Tuesday 23rd March, 2010 at 18:59

Actually, I get frequent Chris-related propaganda too. Perhaps the Facebot has singled him out as someone who needs wall posts for survival.

Posted by Sha on Thursday 25th March, 2010 at 22:28

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